Reframing Your Life
Trigger Warning!
This article mentions experiences with suicide and severe depression. If you struggle with either of these, Google a help line in your country and reach out for help.
We all have bad days. Some of us have such bad days that all of our thoughts seem to be conspiring against us. Past, future, present–all seem void of hope. I (Scott) have had an extremely challenging year–some would say a challenging life. I can see my life as a list of failures and mishaps. Over a recent coffee talk, Lennart was reframing all of the negative material I could come up with–bastard! But it got us talking about the power of reframing. We hope that this article will inspire you to do some reframing in your own lives wherever necessary.
So, brace yourselves (and brace myself), here are some bullet-point beliefs from my worst days, followed by a reframing in a positive and hopeful light of each bullet point:
My music career is a long list of failures
If I just spent a fraction of the energy I’ve spent chasing around women on something else, I would have been a big success. Plus, I’ve had three marriages (and divorces) that prove I’m no good and incapable of having a lasting relationship
I wasted almost half of my life consumed by alcohol and drugs
I’ve wasted every opportunity at having a meaningful, financially stable career of any kind
People are better off without me–I should just kill myself
I even fucked up having a near-fatal heart attack when, despite being clinically dead for 40 minutes, I had no near-death experience (ripoff!!!)
I am a horrible father who has undoubtedly screwed up his kids
My brain damage from my heart attack renders me a fog-brained simpleton for the rest of my days
After spending two months in the psych ward this year, I now live in a homeless shelter, a fact that is extra depressing as my 60th birthday approaches
I have no friends
Ok, that’s enough of that. Now how would it look if I reframed all these points?
I have had a long and creatively fulfilling music career, working with incredibly talented musicians and producers from New York City to Los Angeles, as well as performing many live shows. And I’m still going–reaching more listeners than ever on Spotify (one song just hit 10,000 streams). I have never been as fulfilled creatively as I am with my music now. And in retrospect, I am grateful I never achieved huge financial success as a young man. I wouldn’t have survived
I have been energized by romance my whole life, despite being unable to always direct it in a mutually beneficial way. However, I truly know myself now, and am feeling quite whole and healthy on my own. Should romance find me, I am confident I can meet the challenge in a healthy way
Although it took awhile, I kicked heroin, cocaine, and alcohol, and truly appreciate how much better life is now
I have chosen to follow my heart in my work life, instead of chasing money. I also prioritized spending time with my kids rather than working
People tell me this isn’t true, and they value my friendship. I am loving and kind with just about everyone. It also has become very clear that my kids need me. Additionally, I have a wealth of experience I can share with my kids and others
The heart attack was an incredible experience on many levels–and it continues to inform my mental, physical and spiritual life in a positive way. I am also very strong for my age (and probably stronger than most men half my age)
My kids enjoy spending time with me, and love me very much (they tell me a lot). They know their Dad is not perfect–which I think is a good thing–but they know I’m always there for them
Since my brain injury, some types of brain power have gotten better, including the process of removing my ego from the creative process and just giving into the flow of what comes through me
Having taken much for granted in my privileged life–I appreciate, like never before, the idea of home. My experience has made me extremely motivated to have one again
When you fall on very hard times, it becomes very clear who your real friends are. I am very grateful to have the ones I do
We all have the opportunity to reframe even our worst, most shameful experiences. If we are gifted with reaching the point where we are proud of who we are–we see in a clear light that our experiences have shaped us, and are incredibly valuable. So, if even a little something is nagging at your thoughts–try reframing. And be gentle with yourself, in my experience, it is a lifelong process of going negative and seeking positive. As the saying goes, “Treat yourself like a dear friend.”
Until next time,
Scott and Lennart